on love and photographs.

i would like to preface this by saying that this post was really intended for my personal blog. because it's, you know, personal. but then i thought, you know what, this is WHY i photograph, what makes me who i am. this is my inspiration and motivation. i guess this is also, in my own way, how i express love and gratitude in my life. so it felt appropriate to perhaps share it here as well. i hope i am right.

danny arrived today and we had the most beautiful evening with joe and brittany at the beach. the guys went running, the boys ran around in the sand, splashing and throwing rocks, the moms, we watched. and of course i photographed. it really was the most perfect, beautiful night. i have a ton of pictures to share, but right now i am getting ready for bed and just savoring the evening.

i have been thinking about the balance of living in the moment and capturing the moment. sometimes i hear people say that sometimes they have to put down the camera and just BE in the moment. i get that. i TOTALLY get it. but i also feel almost exactly opposite 99% of the time! to me, i feel most ALIVE on nights like this, beautiful setting, my family, best friends, and camera in hand. everything just feels right. i believe i actually enjoy the moment more completely when i capture it in a photograph. i am also the kind of person who prefers to do two things at once- movie and a craft, internet and music, bath and a magazine, clean my house and talk on the phone, i enjoy each aspect more by doing them at the same time.

i have felt for some time now, that because of my relationship with photographs, i see the world differently, i see my life differently. i am more aware of the beauty all around me, i see the art in everyday life as a mother, the little details stand out in a different way. my son's eyelashes or a sandy toes, the colors in our halloween pumpkins, the way the light peeks inside my kitchen in the morning. it's all clearer, it's all better, i appreciate it more.

there are of course moments that can't be photographed, only felt. tonight, just after the sun went down behind catalina, the sky was bright peachy-orange and the water so blue. the colors danced across max's skin and glistened in his eyes in a way i have never seen, it was absolutely breathtaking. i already had a couple hundred images on my memory card that i just knew i would love, but all i wanted was to catch this moment in the most perfect way so i could keep it forever. but wouldn't you know, max was wet. a little cold. and just wanted a snuggle. i squatted down in the sand for some hugs and just let my camera hang from the strap while i just snuggled max and watched the fleeting light on his face, just inches away myself. it was beautiful, emotionally and artistically. no buttons to push or focus to adjust, but it was art just the same. i thought to myself that even though i couldn't actually take a picture of this moment, that i would take a little mental snapshot and always remember his sandy fingers at the nape of his neck and his soft cheeks pressed to mine, while that orange light touched us both. part of me was sad for a second that i missed the shot but i am finding my mental snapshot to be just as rewarding to come home with as the many physical images from the night at the beach. nights like this i am truly so thankful for my happy, simple life and the little family we have created together and that god has given us. the opportunity to step back and look at it through my lens has shown me just how remarkable it is.