Tuesday, November 17, 2009

on love and photographs.

i would like to preface this by saying that this post was really intended for my personal blog. because it's, you know, personal. but then i thought, you know what, this is WHY i photograph, what makes me who i am. this is my inspiration and motivation. i guess this is also, in my own way, how i express love and gratitude in my life. so it felt appropriate to perhaps share it here as well. i hope i am right.

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danny arrived today and we had the most beautiful evening with joe and brittany at the beach. the guys went running, the boys ran around in the sand, splashing and throwing rocks, the moms, we watched. and of course i photographed. it really was the most perfect, beautiful night. i have a ton of pictures to share, but right now i am getting ready for bed and just savoring the evening.

i have been thinking about the balance of living in the moment and capturing the moment. sometimes i hear people say that sometimes they have to put down the camera and just BE in the moment. i get that. i TOTALLY get it. but i also feel almost exactly opposite 99% of the time! to me, i feel most ALIVE on nights like this, beautiful setting, my family, best friends, and camera in hand. everything just feels right. i believe i actually enjoy the moment more completely when i capture it in a photograph. i am also the kind of person who prefers to do two things at once- movie and a craft, internet and music, bath and a magazine, clean my house and talk on the phone, i enjoy each aspect more by doing them at the same time.

i have felt for some time now, that because of my relationship with photographs, i see the world differently, i see my life differently. i am more aware of the beauty all around me, i see the art in everyday life as a mother, the little details stand out in a different way. my son's eyelashes or a sandy toes, the colors in our halloween pumpkins, the way the light peeks inside my kitchen in the morning. it's all clearer, it's all better, i appreciate it more.

there are of course moments that can't be photographed, only felt. tonight, just after the sun went down behind catalina, the sky was bright peachy-orange and the water so blue. the colors danced across max's skin and glistened in his eyes in a way i have never seen, it was absolutely breathtaking. i already had a couple hundred images on my memory card that i just knew i would love, but all i wanted was to catch this moment in the most perfect way so i could keep it forever. but wouldn't you know, max was wet. a little cold. and just wanted a snuggle. i squatted down in the sand for some hugs and just let my camera hang from the strap while i just snuggled max and watched the fleeting light on his face, just inches away myself. it was beautiful, emotionally and artistically. no buttons to push or focus to adjust, but it was art just the same. i thought to myself that even though i couldn't actually take a picture of this moment, that i would take a little mental snapshot and always remember his sandy fingers at the nape of his neck and his soft cheeks pressed to mine, while that orange light touched us both. part of me was sad for a second that i missed the shot but i am finding my mental snapshot to be just as rewarding to come home with as the many physical images from the night at the beach. nights like this i am truly so thankful for my happy, simple life and the little family we have created together and that god has given us. the opportunity to step back and look at it through my lens has shown me just how remarkable it is.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

beautiful. i think any mother/photographer knows the feeling. thanks for sharing :) tamsen

Katie Blacker said...

love this description and know it well. Sometimes you need two of yourself - and since you are only one person, sometimes you have to let go. Sounds like a perfect day. there is something about the beach that makes me dream. youre an amazing photographer! I am always inspired by you.

Sweet Shibui Photography said...

Beautiful and so true.

Kiera said...

I'm so glad you shared this. Thank you. :)

Chelsea said...

This will be a post I'll return to again and again.

Thanks for sharing. :o)

Ashley Thalman said...

When I was 18 I went overseas and could not take enough pics. Snap, snap, snap- everything was a photo op. Between that trip and my mission I took far fewer photos all because of this feeling you shared here today. What we do, while important, can come between our hearts and experience and you are so right, sometimes we just need to put down the camera and rely on our soul to capture life in our infinite memories.

kalls+joel said...

So Beautiful! Thanks for sharing this post with us!

MrsMama said...

What a lovely post. Thanks for sharing with us.

Jalene said...

this is beautiful.
i feel the same way about photography. i'll notice beautiful things when i'm driving or walking to school and wish i had a camera... but then i realize i can still enjoy the moment without the imagine... appreciate God's beautiful creation around me. photography has taught me to notice those details. love it. :)

Brookie said...

As much as I love photography, I have to say that I love being a mother just as much, My first child inspired me, I wanted to capture each and every dimple of her hands and the way the her eyelashes spilled over her little cheek the way her profile looked, the way the her hair curled in the back. All of it. So I know and feel all the things you talk about it brings me back to those feelings of the pure and most simple joys of being called momma. And luckily we possess the talent to capture the feelings, when you capture a feeling you capture a true memory.

brooke
btw I am a big fan of yours you are doing so well!

Melanie said...

Well said!! I think everything you wrote explains exactly why I do photography. And since I have gotten into photography, I too have noticed that I see the beauty in things more. And that I'm just as happy photographing the moments as I am living the moments!

Great work lately! Keep it up! Thanks for all the great tips a few posts back. Very helpful!

The Talbi said...

ok, i cried a little. it seems you are just as good with words as you are with photography! thanks for sharing that! very inspirational.

our family said...

that is why i love you! your blog is so fun to check and every word is so true! thanks!

::Kayla:: said...

Love it!!!

Crave Photography said...

Sounds like your vacation has been blissful! Filled with wonderful moments lived and captured.

Tay said...

Ahhh....I just love the beach.

I had a similar experience to what you are talking about. Last Christmas Eve the hubby and I decided to go for a walk after the kids were in bed (don't worry, we were at Grandma and Grandpa's-they weren't alone!). It was snowing,and it was beautiful. I wished that I could take a picture so I could always remember the moment. But, then I realized that no photograph could do the moment justice and that it was just something I needed to take a mental image of. And, although it isn't hanging up in my wall I cherish it just the same.

Memories captured by Shelly said...

Jess, I have been where you have a few times. Many times I think that capturing the moment is the take the right shot to frame at home.. but then I have to step back and remember what it is that we can take with us after this life. It reminds me of some lyrics in a famous country song... "Who needs pictures, with a memory like mine".
I too, feel that I captured moments that will never be remembered unless snapped and framed.. or not even framed... but there are those moments that are more important in life. The stepping back and the loving of our children who grow up oh so fast!
Thank you for sharing your inner most feelings.. It was felt from your heart

Anonymous said...

It was rather interesting for me to read the article. Thanks for it. I like such themes and everything that is connected to them. I definitely want to read a bit more on that blog soon.

Shannon Morgan Photography - Port Orchard, WA Photography said...

oh i am so glad you shared this with all of us. you just spoke what i feel and experience completely :)!!

Alexandra said...

Beautiful words :) I can relate 100%